Oil
by JoongStarr
Summary: Happiness is a rarity in the Akatsuki that being said Konan has learned to not expect anything until Pein gives her a gift for the first time. A PeinKo Christmas fic. R


**A/N: PeinKo christmas fic! I love this couple. **

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Naruto**

Pein and I have never had what one would call a 'happy' relationship. Happiness is something that unfolds few and far between when you are part of an orginization such as Akatsuki. Sometimes, I even find myself wondering, "What if?" "What if our village was never destroyed?" "What if we never joined?" "What if we were happy?" And my favorite 'what if' question, "What if we never knew pain?" Of course, no matter how many times I ask myself these questions I never get an answer back. It's to be expected. I have learned to not expect anything. Pein once told me, "Expectations have been the culprit of even the most powerful of people's downfalls."

So instead of waiting for a present on Christmas day I am sighing and doing what I do every year; drum my fingers on the windowsill and examine how my breath fogs up the glass. I've found myself liking to watch my breath on cold days. It reassures me that I am human. A human who breathes.

I'm still watching my breath fog up the window in my room when my partner walks in. I can't see the figure outside of my peripheral vision. I don't have to turn around to know it's him. I can feel his chakra whenever he's near me.

I stop drumming my fingers because I know how much Pain hates it and swipe a fallen strand of hair away from my eyes. My hand then wipes away the fog marks I created on the window.

My breath is gone now.

I'm quietly watching out the large window as kids are playing in the snow, trying to make a snowman out of the little ice crystals that haven't melted or sloshed away. It rains so much that winters here are more icy than snowy.

Pein sets his Akatsuki cloak down on the bed with a 'thump' and I finally turn around in the black loveseat to greet him.

"Hey" I say after clearing my throat and watch as he stares back with a stoic expression while he tugs off his sandals, balancing himself on one foot and then switching to the other. He just stares at me. Not a smile, no hi, or a nod of acknowledgement. Finally, after what seemed like forever, he nods and walks towards me with that same expression.

My heart begins to pound rapidly and my stomach gets butterflies. I haven't felt happiness in so long that I no longer know how to identify it. Guessing is the best I can do for now. I scoot over on the loveseat and he sits down next to me the way he does every year on Christmas day. It's a vicious cycle. These are the times I wish we had missions so I wouldn't have to face the fact that we are not an ordinary couple. We are not happy. There is no hand holding. No kissing. No smiles while we sit and wait for Christmas to be over. We are not happy.

_I am not happy. I am not happy. I am not happy. I am not happy. _

My brain repeats this phrase every moment of my life, particularly on this day. The voice is loud and hurried.

At that moment Pein decides to speak, drowning out the chanting in my head. For the first time, he looks at me with emotion and I am confused but the butterflies grow. He voice is calm and controlled as he speaks, "The snow is barely falling and children are playing even though it isn't much."

"Yes, they are." I say. My voice also comes out controlled but not as calm. There is an edge in my voice. Maybe because of the look he's giving me. That particular look is foreign, one I have yet to see so I cannot place it.

"The snow and children … the happiness … It is all a part of God's well oiled machine along with many other things." He blinks and glares. "I don't believe we have a place in it." Pein's glare softens and I exhale a breath. "But I think that maybe … I'm thinking that He might put us in it soon."

"Konan" He says suddenly and digs into his pocket to pull out a small velvet box. "I want us to celebrate Christmas."

I gasp in surprise as my blue eyes trail over the undersized gift. His pointer and thumb finger hold it.

I know my gasp and silence following it must be making him feel uneasy because there is a faint flush staining his cheeks and nose. His eyes narrow like before and he draws his hand back.

I force myself to say something, anything. "No!" I snap my mouth shut quickly after, embarrassed of having said it so loud. I then cough in an attempt to clear my tightened throat and tug at my charcoal grey sweater, the collar slips off my shoulder from my tugging. "No …" I repeat although quieter. "I want to open it." When Pein nods with wide eyes, still shocked at my outburst I pry the present from his fingers and suck in a deep breath. I've never received a present before. My heart is racing, beating loudly in my chest and I can feel my nose burning, eyes burning. I know this feeling. I am about to cry but it feels different this time.

_One … two … three_

I pull and the box opens completely with a sharp jerk along with a 'pop' sound. When I was younger I remember Pein and I playing with those jewelry boxes. Open and close, finding it funny the way it snaps open and shuts.

I'm rendered speechless at the beautiful pieces of silver jewelry –I've never like gold much- and water trickles down my cheek, past my chin, and on the end of my sleeve.

Pein is alarmed by my unexpected show of emotions and wipes the salty drops away with a gentle hand and takes the box back.

I don't even try to hold on to it.

"You don't like it." He says matter-of-factly and I am once again surprised to see another emotion that I haven't seen in a long time. This time though, I am able to place it. It is hurt.

"I …" I begin and wipe my runny nose childishly with my sleeve earning an odd look. "I love it. That's why I am crying Pein." I watch his shoulders go from stiff to relaxed. "Can you put them on me?" It feels awkward to ask such a thing since I am able to do it myself but then I remember how my mother used to ask the question to my dad whenever he bought her something. That question never failed to make him beam with pride so maybe it could make Pein feel that way too.

Well, I can't tell if he is 'beaming' with pride but he stares at me for a moment with amazing ringed eyes and nods, lifting up the necklace that lengthens as it is being extracted. There is a small silver pendant dangling from the necklace, purple and blue origami swan with silver trim, I feel a smile tugging at the corner of my lips. He then reaches in around my neck and I blush as his warm breath tickles my skin. We've never been this close in proximity and I know he is feeling the same thing I am … intimacy. All too soon Pein pulls back and tugs the ring out the box. It's silver with a matching swan engraved in the middle. It's also very beautiful. He takes my hand slowly and slides it on. It fits my ring finger perfectly.

"It's a promise ring." He says to me and lets go of my hand so he can reach up and take off the headband around his forehead. Once untied, he sits it on the windowsill and runs his fingers through the place on his orange hair where the band had been. "I want us to promise something."

I don't know how to feel about the promise part but I nod dumbly anyway. I'm still in shock from Pein's actions and the fact that we're having a Christmas. This is something we've never done and my tears won't stop coming.

"Let's promise to try to be happy."

Again, I nod dumbly and tear my gaze away from him to the necklace dangling around my neck. We sit together in an inexplainable silence until a thought pops into my mind and I furrow my slender brows. "I didn't buy you anything." I state the obvious out of habit and feel bad for not having anything to give in return. I didn't know about this Christmas thing.

"You don't need to …" His voice trails off and I exhale a shaky breath when he leans in between my legs on the loveseat and pushes the normally tidy blue hair away from my face and a different feeling washes over me. His soft lips brush against mine. His tongue teases my bottom lip and I welcome him. I feel loved. We pull away and he wipes away the remaining tears on my face. "Merry Christmas, Konan."

"I have to get you something to … make this Christmas perfect." I say to him and I nuzzle my face in his neck. Being affectionate isn't as weird as I thought it would be. My mind goes back to his previous statements, _"The snow and children … the happiness … It is all a part of God's well oiled machine along with many other things."_ _"I don't believe we have a place in it." _"_But I think that maybe … I'm thinking that He might put us in it soon." _

I raise my hand and cup his chin, rubbing his cheek with my thumb. I'm glad when he doesn't pull away on instinct like I thought he would. Instead, he leans into the touch and closes his eyes. He feels it too. With this happiness we are also apart of his well oiled machine. I will be sure tell him that someday. I love him.

_I love him. I love him. I love him. I love him._

This time my mind is chanting something different and I don't mind what it's saying.

I find myself loving how content he looks. That is when _again_ my memory gets jogged. When we were younger, Pein always liked contact. He liked the little hugs, pats on the back, and kisses. When we were younger - when we were six - we didn't realize what all that stuff meant.

I smiled and pecked him on the forehead as I wrapped my slender arms around him. "Merry Christmas" I felt him nestle into me and kiss my pale neck.

This is what a couple feels like or I should say that, this is what a lover feels like I imagine. His breathing evens out and at this moment I'm glad he's not heavy as he completely relaxes on me, legs stretched out. One arm beside my waist, the other dangling loosely off the edge of the couch. The snowflakes are falling heavily now and the christmas lights from the town filter into our room.

Pein one day I'll say out loud that I love you.

Merry Christmas.

**OWARI **

**I hope you all enjoyed it!**

**A/N: I love fics were the female is the one giving comfort and stuff because I think it's cute. =~= Guys aren't always supposed to be super dominating XD**

**MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE! HAVE A GOOD ONE!**


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